Funky Town
I’ve been in a funk all week.
Blanketed with “meh,” I cast it off as a generalized brain fog, but then I was reminded of the culprit. Seasonal malaise.
It rears its head when I’m hunting for holiday recipes. The ones on cards stained with gravy and greasy little fingers. The faint blue lines on the cards hold more than my mother’s flowery cursive. Underneath her script lies years of Thanksgivings past, now haunting me like Ebenezer’s three ghosts.
Most are lovely memories, and therein lies the problem. My grandfather’s recipe for Meatballs with Lingonberry Sauce unlocks a Hallmark sampler of holidays that were and are no more.
This whole “Funky Town” epiphany came to me while listening to a psychologist’s podcast. The host politely but pointedly told a male caller that his post-affair marriage would never be the same again. And by association, neither would his life.
He suddenly had been served a piping-hot stack of bygone holidays that were and are no more.
I have had moments of the same type of “clarity.” Moments when I discovered heart-wrenching infidelities, or scary-sterile-seconds of sucking-in-my-breath shock with unwanted medical diagnoses. It’s always amazing to me how few words it takes to lasso wonderful times of former holidays and U-turn them into sad reminders of new realities.
What I needed to sort through this week, though, was the fact that sad memories and satisfaction with your current life can coexist. It reminds me of an interview with actor Mark Ruffalo, who when asked about the grief spawned by his brother’s passing, simply responded, “How do I handle grief? I allow it to walk alongside me.”
I’ve allowed my grief to accompany me as well. I acknowledge it, allow it to recount a few stories of Christmases past, and then with a wistful, “Yeah, I remember that, too. Wasn’t that great?” I pick up the recipe card and roll out my mom’s Swedish spritz cookies.
Make way for the sadness, but ask it to take its place alongside and behind you a bit. Not in the forefront. Reserve that for the new and yes, vastly different and deeply meaningful memories waiting for you around the next bend.
For those of you who may be feeling a little seasonal malaise yourself, here’s some things that have helped me over the holidays when things aren’t so merry and bright.
How I cope with sad memories over the holidays:
Walks, walks and more walks. Feel the sun on your face.
Spontaneous soup-making followed by spontaneous soup-giving
Conversation with trusted friends who guard my privacy and acknowledge my sadness
And then a fun afternoon or evening with new friends who weren’t part of your “old” life
Visiting places of beauty like gardens or beaches
Perusing a library or book store for a great read
Music in my car, on my phone, in my kitchen
Finding museums that capture my interests or imagination
Prayer and honest lament
Smiling and saying “Good Morning” before my heart believes it can be
Reading the Psalms out loud
Going to sleep at night visualizing a new goal, dream or aspiration
Isaiah 43:19
“Behold I will do a new thing. Now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will
even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”